Excuse the mess.

As per usual, I have no clue what I’m doing. I’ve been convinced that it’s a good idea to make the move from a WordPress blog to a self-hosted site, and in the long run, it probably will be. For now, it just means I have lots of shiny new things to play with. Shield your eyes.

I am, however, back in Canada so regular posting should resume Monday morning. I’d say that I read a ton of the books I’m supposed to review over the holiday, but well . . .

View from the hotel balcony.

I had so much time and sun and opportunity—of course I devoured every single book except those I needed to (Class readings? What class readings?). Instead I’m about halfway through the Outlander series and have had to literally remove the books from my Kobo to stop myself straying back to them.

My life can be so hard.

Hope everyone’s holidays have proven merry, if not as lazy and future-stress-inducing as my own. Have a good New Year!

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Pandemonium by Lauren Oliver


http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1348322144l/10628114.jpg

STATUS: ABANDONED

So what are we talking about here? Dystopia like woah. In a world where love itself has been termed a disease, Lena has left everything behind in the name of a boy. Now, without Alex by her side, how will she survive? Who will she become?

Sounds sort of interesting! What’s the problem? I mean, I probably should have seen this coming after my less-than-stellar review of Delirium, the first in the trilogy, but I was swayed by all the positive reviews rolling in and decided to take a look. Nope. Still don’t get the concept, and Lena’s grief was difficult to relate to as I was always just a little bit meh on Alex.

How far did you make it? <50 pages.

Any chance you’ll pick it up again? I don’t see it happening. I carried so many issues forward from the previous book that I don’t have the effort to trudge through world-building and info-dumps. I either want all the explanations right away or enough action/intrigue to distract me from the fact that I understand nothing.

Well, should others give it a try? If you enjoyed or even just sort of liked Delirium, then definitely! Most of my GR friends who gave the series’ first installment two or three stars were bumping up to four and five come this one. It’s been very well-received, and I’m told there are twists abound.


Did-Not-Finish Fridays are a weekly post highlighting books I couldn’t complete because of time constraints, personal tastes, or for various other reasons. Inclusion in this series is not in itself a bad review or meant to reflect poorly on the work, nor will it prevent me from writing a full review at a later date.

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I wrote something. (Week 2)

750 Words words written every single day. One post a week, unedited. 

If I write only crap, I’ll have to post crap. 

This will end so very badly.


“They like you,” Daniel insisted, but his wife was beyond cheap words at this point. Cheap vodka, however, would do. Kennedy would throw that back and smile for the burn laced underneath.

“They like you,” she said, and it was only coherent because she’d told him so many times today already. “They like you and so of course they like me. But they don’t like me, you know?”

“Not even a little bit.”

“Well. What a surprise.”

“Are we fighting?” Daniel asked her. “Because if so, I’ve got a couple complaints. First, you’re drunk. Second, this is ridiculous. And third, you’re so fucking drunk.” He watched her carefully, waiting to see if the liquor imbibed was enough to douse this argument or fan its flames. “Besides,” he added, “I’d much rather take advantage of you in your current state in more fun ways than winning an argument. A pointless argument.”

“Not pointless! I don’t have any friends, Danny.”

So, he thought, that was a no on going into the bedroom and having sex right away. Instead they’d continue to face off across the dining table. Kennedy downing shots. Daniel pushing Advil.

“We have friends.”

“No, you have friends.”

“What about Juliet?”

“She was my friend. She’s yours now.”

“Christ’s sake, Kennedy. We’re a couple. My friends and your friends become our friends. That happens. Go back to kindergarten and learn to share a little.”

“What do I have that isn’t yours, huh? What!? What do I have that is Kennedy’s?”

“Do you hear yourself?”

“Stop looking at this as just me being ridiculous! I’m not angry because I’m drunk. Flip it around!”

He banged his head against the tabletop in pointed demonstration.

“Stop it. Just listen, ‘kay? Listen. I can’t go to Juliet with things anymore, because she’s just as much your friend as mine. So what kind of friend would I be if I put her in that position?”

Daniel lifted his head. “Well, I suppose that depends what you have to tell her. And I’m curious to know. What do you need to tell her that would put her in a ‘position’ between us? What do you have to say that would come between us?”

“That’s not the point.”

“That’s the point you just made!”

“Would you listen to me! I need someone that I can wholeheartedly trust to be there for me, Danny! Who’s on my side no matter what I’ve done.”

“Kennedy—”

“And maybe that’s selfish.”

“You—”

“I don’t really give a damn. It’s something I need, and I’m selfish enough to look after those, so—”

“HEY. KEN.”

“WHAT?”

He was going to kill this woman.

“That person your describing is supposed to be me.”

“What?”

“There for you no matter what? In good times and bad? Sickness and health? I think they kind of put that in my job description.”

“That’s not what I—”

“It’s what you should mean, and it scares me that you don’t. It scares me that I’m not giving you something.” His brow furrowed. “It worries me I didn’t even realize you were missing something.”

“I’m not trying to blame anything on you, Danny. I think this is a Kennedy thing.”

He tilted his head. “A drunk Kennedy thing?”

Yeah, maybe,” she acknowledged with a nod, a little shrug. “I just—

“I meant—”

She huffed. “I’ll call Juliet tomorrow. See if she wants to go to that new show Seventh Street is putting on.”

Daniel got up and pulled the coffee filters from the cabinet above the microwave. “Is that what this is about?” he asked, as he set to work brewing a pot of sobriety for his wife. “Would you like me to go to the play with you? You know I will. But you have to ask, Kennedy. You have to use your words.”

“Very funny,” she muttered, but she was looking out the dining room window, so very exhausted. Alcohol always left her system wrung-out.

He pushed the coffee toward her anyway. One cup before bed wouldn’t hurt, and she might thank him for it in the morning. “Take the Advil, too,” he demanded, and she stuck her tongue out at him, placed the little white pill on it. “And give me a kiss,” he added on to his list of commands, but his wife pursed her lips now.

“Give me a kiss, Ken, or we have to keep fighting.”

Kennedy swigged back the coffee black, with none of the cream or sugar she usually would have taken, and leaned over to kiss her husband.

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Brooklyn, Burning by Steve Brezenoff


http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1348322144l/10628114.jpg

STATUS: ON HOLD

So what are we talking about here? Hard Brooklyn streets, the healing powers of music, and a love story like no other you’ve read. This is the story of Kid, a runaway youth begging for just a little bit of attention from the world, just a little bit of compassion. Kid doesn’t want to believe more is needed in life than access to an instrument, but when the possibility of real affection and maybe even a sense of belonging breezes in, Kid might realize exactly how much there always is to lose.

Sounds sort of interesting! What’s the problem? I’ve picked up this book at least four times now, made it a chapter so, and then just . . . fizzled. The prose is straight to the point, and while this obviously carries the ability to pack quite the punch, it can also be pretty flat when addressing the more mundane details of a narrative. I think it’s why I keep having problems connecting with Kid as a narrator. That, and I sort of lose interest when authors try to describe what it’s like listening to music (and playing/composing it). I’ve just never come across a description that drew me in, so books focused around the subject can sometimes turn me off.

How far did you make it? <50 pages.

Any chance you’ll pick it up again? Probably eventually? After so many attempts, you think I’d give it up, but this author’s refusal to assign or hint at the gender of his main character tells me this book might go places I want to know about.

Well, should others give it a try? Yes. Problems with character voice can be so subjective, and the music thing is entirely my own craziness. Brooklyn, Burning is by no means poorly written, and I’ve got a bevy of reviewers on GoodReads telling me that this is a touching, compelling read.

A review copy of this book was provided by NetGalley and the publisher.

Did-Not-Finish Fridays are a weekly post highlighting books I couldn’t complete because of time constraints, personal tastes, or for various other reasons. Inclusion in this series is not in itself a bad review or meant to reflect poorly on the work, nor will it prevent me from writing a full review at a later date.

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Days of Blood and Starlight by Laini Taylor

Once upon a time, an angel and a devil fell in love and dared to imagine a world free of bloodshed and war.

This is not that world.

Art student and monster’s apprentice Karou finally has the answers she has always sought. She knows who she is—and what she is. But with this knowledge comes another truth she would give anything to undo: She loved the enemy and he betrayed her, and a world suffered for it.

In this stunning sequel to the highly acclaimed Daughter of Smoke & Bone, Karou must decide how far she’ll go to avenge her people. Filled with heartbreak and beauty, secrets and impossible choices, Days of Blood & Starlight finds Karou and Akiva on opposing sides as an age-old war stirs back to life.


Buy It Now: U.S. | Canada | International


Take up a weapon and you become an instrument with as pure a purpose as the weapon itself: to find arteries and open them, limbs and sever them; to take what is alive and deliver it unto death.

There’s a lot to be said about Laini Taylor’s novels—how richly rendered they are, how entrenched in the worlds you can find yourself after only a few short pages, but all I can think to say is this: No one in the world but Ms. Taylor could have written this book. I’m ever-so-thankful no one else attempted to.

Days of Blood and Starlight follows its predecessor with only a few short months left unexamined in the story’s timeline, and it proceeds to move. Taylor seems to have made it her personal mission to disprove every negative comment ever made about lyrical prose and how it might draw the reader away from her plot. She’ll have her pretty words and her philosophy, and she’ll do it while not telling you a damn thing but letting every element of her story flow through action.

In Daughter of Smoke and Bone, Akiva falls from grace. In Days, the once-innocent daughter of a devil finds herself with blood upon her own hands and begging the question of who might help her wash them clean. The choices are too-few and all are flawed.

Akiva, the once-thought love of her life, has betrayed her. Has murdered and enslaved her people. Is not an option.

Her friend Zuszana, sweet and eager as she is, is human and so innocent of Karou’s world, of Karou’s suffering.

Brimstone is dead, as are the other chimaera who helped raise her, as are pretty much all of her people.

The few of her kind that Karou does find alive are suspicious of her intentions, and perhaps rightfully so. After all, she has a history of letting her heart get the best of her. But with limited options and a grieved soul still thirsting for vengeance, Karou joins up with the ragtag resistance to fill the shoes of her beloved adoptive father. She will raise the dead for this army. She will be an instrument in their quest for retribution.

Days ventures further into this world than I ever could have anticipated, and of course, it does it so effortlessly I consistently found myself at the end of a scene before I realized where the book had just dared to go. That being said, have fair warning that this book goes wonderful, important places that are also very violent in nature. The work may have been marketed to teenagers, but while handled with all the delicacy she can afford them, Taylor isn’t going to glaze over issues like these, and she has a lot of ground to cover. She doesn’t have time to pretend war is pretty.

The harshest criticism I’ve seen of the series seems to be the duality of two opposing story lines: the bloody war and genocide of a people, and the star-crossed love of two (quazi)teenagers. With Daughter, I saw the basis of this complaint as the novel seemed almost split into sections. Past and present. War and love. But in Days we’ve moved on from that. The war is here; the war is now. Karou and Akiva must reconcile their feelings for one another in real time, among the fiery wreckage of not only their choices, but their people’s. Both must make decisions about what of their own they might sacrifice for their kind, and how much more they might be willing to give for the sake of humanity.

One world on its own is a strange enough seethe of coiling, unknowable veins of intention and chance, but two? Where two worlds mingle breath through rips in the sky, the strange becomes stranger, and many things may come to pass that few imaginations could encompass.

This series is done masquerading as a simple paranormal romance. Days is rough and sometimes disturbing, regardless of the pretty prose Taylor ties it all together with, and it’s working to address real political and ethical concerns. This is no watered-down Romeo and Juliet, and there is indeed some question as to whether Karou and Akivia will manage to defy their stars.

I admit I’m hoping the trilogy’s final installment goes for a bit less of a tragic conclusion.

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I wrote something. (Week 1)

Ever since my friend Kate turned me on to 750 Words, I’ve been a fan. Having my statistics on the line prompts me to make sure I find time to write every day, but it does not, unfortunately, curtail all of my laziness. Knowing no one else will see the work sometimes means I let the quality slide.

So. One flash fiction post a week, unedited, my choice. If I write only crap, I’ll have to post crap. 

This will end so very badly.


You left the kids at home. You never leave them at home.

Even when you’re considering snapping their fingers to keep them from making a jungle gym out of the already difficult-to-navigate cart—the assistant manager keeps saying he’s going to fix that left wheel, but really, you’re here enough you should know better than to choose it—you bring them into the store and battle onward.

I’m pretty sure I saw you trap the youngest one inside once, her tantrum face as red as the Coke you piled across the top of cart to form her makeshift prison. Your temper just as stirred, shaken, fizzled as the box’s contents. It was only for thirty seconds at most, and you laughed as you lifted the cases off in a “Oh, see how I haven’t lost my sense of humour” way, but I wouldn’t have blamed you if you’d left her there for awhile.

I’m sorry, but you’ve been bringing a little Lucifer(a?) to this store for years. I can only imagine what it’s like dealing with that hell twenty-hour/seven.

And knowing you mothered Satan.

That must be a trip.

You flinch-flinch-flinch with the beep-beep-beep as I scan items through the till, each jerk another billboard on your forehead renting out ad space.

DOMESTIC.

ABUSE.

PLEASE.

HELP.

ME.

But I can’t. I don’t even know who you are, not really, and my name tag is far from any sort of gilded badge. “Hi, my name is DARCY” doesn’t exactly scream security and comfort. If I offered to call someone, you’d just stop coming to this store because it has the weird cashier who oversteps boundaries.

Not that I’ll offer, because I’m just imagining things. You’ve been Mrs. two-point-oh children and a minivan for as long as I’ve worked here, you’ve eaten the same brand of low-fat yogurt for at least three years, and I’ve never ever had this thought. Shouldn’t there have been warning signs or something?

I don’t think I’ve ever seen you bruised.

Not that that really means anything. I know that.

But I can’t just assume you’re being abused. That’s just me being twisted.

If it were divorce I think you’d still have the children with you. Mothers get custody until reason is proven otherwise, or so television has always told me. But tonight might be his visitation, and you’ve never left your children alone for the night before, and this is so unbelievably hard, and of course they’ll be safe with their father, and that’s still not good enough for you, and that’s why you’re trying not to cry as you tell me you want plastic bags, not paper

A statement you’ve made to me at least a hundred times, and plastic is a word that’s difficult to waver on. It usually bounces out of your mouth and we share that knowing tilt of a smile as it does. That acknowledgement.

You’re not even looking at me.

“Plastic” kind of faded away into nothing.

I tie the handles of the bags into tight knots because I always catch you doing so. You told me a long time ago that it’s to prevent all the groceries from escaping and thunking around the back of the van as you drive.

I figure you drive like a maniac.

But whatever. It’s two seconds out of my shift, and that’s customer service for you.

“That comes to 48.89,” I tell you, even though I kind of stopped doing that some time last year. You buy the same things every Tuesday, and I once went to say it and you stopped pulling one of your brats off the other long enough to cut me off and reply, “I know.”

You start to dig through your purse for your debit card—Jesus, lady. Start putting it back in your wallet, will you?—but I see it occur to you and I see you stop thinking about crying and having a public melt-down like that one guy who likes to pelt me with whatever candy bars are near the till when the prices on the shelf and at the register don’t match up.

You clear the breakdown out of your throat. “Could I also get a pack of Player’s Lights?”

Don’t frown. Don’t frown. Don’t frown.

Facial expressions besides polite interest are also considered overstepping the till girl boundaries. So I turn around and get you the cigarettes like you ask for them everyday. You wring your hands as I pull them down, like any nervous seventeen-year-old, like I’m going to ID you.

It makes you look so young that I do.

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Ink is Forever

I promised myself I’d get on track with the blog posts—at least one a week—but every time I sit down and try to think about what I’ve done lately, I come up with nothing. This is why I write fiction, people.

I did take a quick jaunt over to Vancouver last Thursday/Friday to meet up with some friends from Washington—who between the walks in pouring rain/high winds, subjection to rabid seagulls attacks at Granville Island (seriously, just Google it), and trips to 7/11s not exactly known for their safety records, were apparently dead-set on getting me killed.

That, and we went to see the Ian Wallace exhibit at the art gallery. It was horrid.

(But, you know, I had fun and stuff. Hi, Kate! *hearts*)

Pretty much everything else has been exams and Christmas insanity. I’ve been stressing over the gift for The Roommate like mad, until this conversation took place last night:

Them: (Strolling into my room) You know what we should do? We should just tell one another what we want for Christmas. (You would think this would be a pretty obvious idea. No.)

Me: I did tell you. I said I wanted books.

Them: No, that’s boring.

Me: Well. What do you want?

Them: A tattoo.

Me: Another? Of what now? (I maybe paid for their last one. It’s maybe Goonies-themed. It’s maybe located in a place covered by underwear.)

Them: A piece of pizza. Right here. (Proceeds to motion to right armpit.)

Me: That’s uhhh . . . that’s . . . why?

Them: I just really like pizza.

Me: This doesn’t have anything to do with your boyfriend liking Michelangelo from TMNT and thus pizza, right? Because that’s just . . .

Them: What? No. Justine. Gross. No, if anything it reminds me more of us.

Me: Sorry, what?

Them: You know, how we always used to just hang out in the basement, eat pizza, and look up horrible things on the internet. Our adolescence.

So not only have I not really done anything spectacularly fascinating lately, The Roommate would like to get a permanent reminder inked on their body that I never really have.

Great.

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The Miseducation of Cameron Post by Emily M. Danforth

When Cameron Post’s parents die suddenly in a car crash, her shocking first thought is relief. Relief they’ll never know that, hours earlier, she had been kissing a girl.

But that relief doesn’t last, and Cam is soon forced to move in with her conservative aunt Ruth and her well-intentioned but hopelessly old-fashioned grandmother. She knows that from this point on, her life will forever be different. Survival in Miles City, Montana, means blending in and leaving well enough alone (as her grandmother might say), and Cam becomes an expert at both.


Buy It Now: U.S. | Canada | International


Grandma stooped over with a yellow rag, sprinkling out the cleanser, that chemical-mint smell puffing around us, her son dead and her daughter-in-law dead and her only grandchild a now-orphaned shoplifter, a girl who kissed girls, and she didn’t even know, and now she was cleaning up my vomit, feeling even worse because of me: That’s what made me cry.

I was terrified to read this book. For everything I’d been told about its spot-on characterizations and descriptions of the teenage condition, for every quote I came across that was just so gorgeously rendered I near-caved on the spot, I continued to put it off. Capital-M Message books rarely meet my expectations, and I’ve found this to be consistently true when it comes to LGBTQ books in the YA genre, but The Miseducation of Cameron Post is not about being a lesbian.

It’s about being a girl (who, yes, likes  other girls in that way).

There’s a difference. True, Cameron is a lesbian. She’s also an orphan. She’s a granddaughter and niece, a movie-buff and a small-town girl. She’s a bit of a doormat except for when she’s telling you to go to hell. Cameron is a girl, and Miseducation addresses every aspect of what and who she is; there’s no one personality trait that is all of her.

We follow her from the age of twelve when she first loses her parents right up to the cusp of adulthood at seventeen, and it is mind-boggling to me that Emily Danforth managed to fit everything I remember about my own adolescence into one book. It might have inspired more reminiscence in me personally just for the setting. I, like Cameron, grew up on the boundless northwestern plains, so the detailed imagery did a lot for me. I would recognize, however, that in setting the novel in her own hometown the author may have become too involved with the little details that made her smile, that made it all so real and alive to her. Those same details could distract away from another reader’s memories of childhood.

Still, it’s almost impossible not to identify with some part of a girl floundering with her sexual identity, with how to relate to those who accept her and to those who don’t.

Danforth shines here, because Miseducation is filled with characters who don’t accept Cameron for who she is, and as a reader you can reasonably assume that they probably never will. Some will love her in spite of the fact, some will write her off as an unsalvageable soul, but not one of these characters is treated as the villainous homophobe. They’re ignorant and frightened and damaged, and these things often manifest in horrifying ways, but Danforth doesn’t believe in flat characters. She makes them capable of kindness, capable of being mistreated by Cameron.

And Cameron finds that she is capable of mistreating them, which is a lesson I myself am constantly relearning. So much of this work’s beauty and what makes its difficult to describe lies exactly in this point: this book is about the miseducation of not just Cameron, but everyone around her. It’s about the lessons that bear repeating for all of us.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that this book was too long—and at 470 pages, I doubt many would try too hard to argue the point with me—but like every other facet of Danforth’s inaugural work, I can only feel the decision in length was deliberate and completely apt. This book wasn’t just long. It was that final stretch of summer: lazy and too-hot and never-ending, but flying by. It was my childhood: one moment dragged-out, tintype nostalgia and the next vivid hi-fi with sharp edges. And like everything else, it ended too soon.

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Because I have six book reviews I should be working on.

I could be doing something constructive. Instead I’m rehashing and over-thinking.

Yes. Yes, it is as awesome as it sounds.

(Also, there is no respect for the theory of impersonality below. Personal and overdramatic references abound. Just a warning.)


tokens

She’s not my sister, but she picked out the earrings

I still wear with my father’s necklace

(the ribbon around the box was stunning).

And I kissed a boy on the couch in the basement in those earrings,

his saliva anything but viscous on my lips,

just waiting to be a gasoline high—

you don’t see any tread marks?

The poor dear couldn’t touch me for the splinters,

plotted paths of wishbones plucked and snapped,

so forced to grip thorned stems by rings

around my ears, fingers, wrists,

he thought to promise me more of them.

.
She’s not my sister, but I’m sure she’s got some jewellery of her own.
.

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Filed under Poetry, Posted Works, Procrastination, Writing

I also broke a nail, you guys.

I’m a horrible blogger. I know this. *shrugs*

So here. Have a random poem I’m still playing around with and don’t really like, because I don’t really like anything I’m writing at the moment. It’s a serious (first world) problem.


matches

 there’s a fog beneath the skin around her eyes.

a tumour so benign

she thinks it’s just caffeinated nights and

undead days are finally drilling through bone.

when really ivy mist curls into hills,

watering behind her lids,

boiling for the lit match of village hysteria

and a horror movie audience.

it leaves watermark bruises

and pulls the raw wool over her eyes,

so she’s stumbling down the bypass,

alone but for the candle in the distance

that’s really a semi-truck,

all full of gasoline and spark.


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Excuses? I have the best of’em.

I know, I know: Two weeks.

But. See this?

That’s the X-ray of my arm from December, before the surgery in Costa Rica and casting and what have you.

(It’s also a photo taken in front of a window with blinds because I’m known for not thinking things through.)

(Also, also: If you look closely enough, you can definitely see the horror movie version of my face in the reflection.)

Now add about 5 degrees to the angle of that. Because that’s what showed up on the X-rays at my last doctor’s appointment. As you can imagine, both myself and my doctors were none too impressed, and surgery was required pretty much immediately if I wanted to keep the use of my hand (And all the experts told me I did). So, because I just want the damn thing fixed already, I checked into the hospital and took all their proffered drugs and let them cut me open. Again.

They’re telling me it worked this time, and if how much harder this second recovery is is any indication, then yes. Yes, it did. So huzzah!

But all the time I spent considering just amputating the blasted thing, reacting poorly to the antibiotics, and being a complete witch to anyone who dared phone me in the days following the surgery (Yeah, sorry, Grandparents) severely cut into my reading and thus reviewing time.

And just don’t even ask about writing.

(Does outlining count as work? Outlining that is all in my head but I’m sure will eventually make it into the doc?)

I’m somewhat back on track now and and my review of Incarnate will post tomorrow. Until then, Twitter informs me it’s Valentine’s Day (Yes, this is how I learn of these things. There is no awareness of time when I’m sequestered in my house for weeks on end). So, here:

Can we please make “hotsky” a certified thing?

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My Week of Words: Write? Was I supposed to do that?

How would I summarize this week? Hrmm.

Oh, right:

There has been SO MUCH PRETTY in my mailbox all week. Much of it the result of late Christmas presents, but an equal amount has been my plain dumb luck in contests/giveaways this month.

Speaking of which, have you seen this!? Just spend your weekend clicking.

Changeling by Morgan Gallagher

This one was my own fault. There were scenes early on that weren’t . . . um, my cup of tea. But it was listed as a horror story, so I assumed the plot would develop a bit more. Unfortunately it didn’t, and in my opinion, this should be clearly listed as erotica with a strong focus on BDSM and power-play. I did manage to finish it, but the subject matter wasn’t for me and the writing was rather poor. It took over nine sentences to say “She found the lamp and turned it on” and so much time was wasted describing clothing or the color of furniture. My advice? Skip this book.

These are all on my TBR list. My poor, poor novel word count is so screwed for the next few days.

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